Struggles and Humiliation

I was going to wait until Friday to post, after I had completed my first 30 minute workout, but in short … I lied (unintentionally).

I told myself when I started this that I was going to keep an honest account of my journey. This includes my successes, my struggles, and yes, my humiliations.

Let’s start with the struggles.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to go on some fad diet, or starve myself to lose weight. I’m simply going to make better, smarter choices. I don’t need to drop 20-30 pounds in one month and do God knows what to my body in the process. I really just want to not jiggle anymore, but I want to get there in a healthy way. Anyways, I’m saying no to fast food and junk food.

And here’s where part of my struggles lie. I know I haven’t even gotten to my first “real” workout yet, but I have been trying to eat healthier, and in the process have been getting cravings for junk, mainly chocolate bars.

Now let’s take a look at what’s in my pantry.

Favourite chocolate bar: Coffee Crisp.
Favourite chips: Ketchup.

Check and check.

That’s four family size bags of ketchup chips and four 4-packs of coffee crisp.

 

These are Canadian things, you can’t get these in the US. So, my dad brought me a little stock pile when he came down to visit earlier this month. The sad thing is, there used to be five of each.

Yesterday I almost fell into my usual trap of grabbing a Coffee Crisp or some form of junk when I start to have the munchies. I kind of feel I’m the cookie monster and have been told I can’t have anymore cookies. I’m really hoping this feeling passes, otherwise I’ll have to lock the goodies away and tell my husband to hide the key.

Moving along …

I told you the other day about my love for curly fries, and my husband asking if I wanted Arby’s for dinner. Well, attack of the curly fries strikes again.

My husband calls me on his way home from work (he works weird hours), and it goes a little something like this:

Hey sweetie, do you want me to pick up Arby’s for lunch?

Hesitation. Sigh. No.

Not even a curly fry and nothing else?

No.

Not even a pizza slider and nothing else?

No.

All the while my inner fat girl is screaming YES!

Fast forward an hour later. I’m in the kitchen making hummus (I found this great recipe: https://www.thewholesomedish.com/simple-hummus-without-tahini/). I thought it would be a good thing to put in a wrap with veggies, or to have as a snack instead of junk food, and once again the subject come up:

My husband: What do you want for dinner? Or do you want to just do something easy?

Well, what do you mean by easy?

I know what you want. You want a junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy’s.

No, I don’t.

We could go to Arby’s.

No.

Maybe later after you finish working on your job we can go to Wendy’s and get a frosty or something.

I don’t really want to.

Needless to say, it’s very difficult trying to stay on the right track, when it seems like everything is trying to push you in the other direction.

 

Now we get into the humiliation part of things.

When I had gotten dressed yesterday, I decided to wear a shirt that I hadn’t worn in a while. It’s a bit closer fitting, half sleeve.

Later that night, I go to get changed for bed. Normally with that shirt, I have to hold on to the end of one of the sleeves and pull my arm out. Well, I tried that … My arm wouldn’t come out. I mean, it wouldn’t even budge. Not even a little bit.

Okay. Well, let me try to lift it from the bottom. Nope. Nada.

At this time, my husband was in our bedroom, I was in our bathroom. He hears my muttering to myself behind the door, and being the curious man he is, he asks what’s wrong.

I can’t get my shirt off!

Ha ha … No, seriously?

Seriously, I can’t get my shirt off. I need you to help me get my shirt off.

What? Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

 

So, after demonstrating how I couldn’t get my shirt off, I had to lift my arms up and have my husband take it off for me.

I’ve never had any issues with this shirt before, but as I said, it’s been a while since I’ve worn it. Not only have I put weight in my belly, and my thighs, but my arms have also gained some fat.

Although I was embarrassed, I was also very happy that I had turned down fast food, and gained validation that this journey I’m on  is the best thing for me. I’m sure there will be many more obstacles down the road, but I’m going to take it one day at a time.

 

See you next time!