Tearing down the walls

Well, it happened – I fell off the wagon.

A little back story. When I started on this journey, I began watching a lot of videos on personal development. I came across a man by the name of Brendon Burchard. It was actually through his video that I was introduced to Jim Rohn.

Anyways, Brendon was talking about making a list of your goals. He said to take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle, and on the left you were to write down your goals. It doesn’t matter how big or small or silly the goal may seem – write it down. Write down the goals you want to accomplish today, this week, this month, this year, and many years from now. Then, on the right side, write down your accomplishments. Everything you have done to bring yourself closer to reaching your goals. Again, write down everything, both big and small. Eventually, your list of accomplishments will be bigger than your goals.

So, I did this very thing. Once I had done this, I noticed things starting to change. It seemed as though everything was aligning to bring me towards my goals. This was a great thing, but it’s also what led to my downfall. There was so much changing in such a short period of time, and I got really stressed out. These changes that I’m facing require a serious mental shift, which terrified me, and that’s where the wall of resistance hit. Everything was so new to me. It’s not something I had ever been through in my life, and I have no idea how to navigate this new territory.

With all of these changes happening I started to develop shortness of breath, which lasted about a week. I remember having the same thing happen when I moved away for college – the doctor said it was caused by stress. While this was happening, my husband and I decided I would stop working out until it passed. Once that had passed, everything spiraled out of control.

I’ll be honest with you, through most of my teenage years – if not all – I suffered through some pretty serious depression. My past has not been pretty, and life has thrown a lot of curve balls my way. Thankfully, I managed to pull myself out of that. Even though I would consider my life to be good at the moment, it’s not without its struggles. This past year has been especially difficult with the immigration process and moving to the United States. It has put a ton of barriers in my way. With all of these new changes on top of that, I got so overwhelmed, and I allowed myself to slip back into that dark hole. That’s not somewhere I want to be again.

So, this morning while I was eating breakfast, I Googled “How to pull yourself out of depression.” I opted for a video. Of course, there were tons to choose from. I decided to follow my gut, and I chose one that stood out to me. It just so happened that particular video, at that particular moment, was exactly what I needed to hear.

I’ve come to the realization that in order to move forward and make progress, I’m going to have to face my past and deal with my underlying issues. I need to let go and heal myself. I’ve decided I’m going to create another blog – an anonymous one – and use that to write about my past. There are many things that have happened to me that I would like a certain level of anonymity around.

This journey is not going to be an easy one – but sometimes the hardest things are the ones worth fighting for. For now, I need to muster up my courage to face my fears. Watch out world – I’m going to come out on the other side swinging.

What’s your motivation?

I’m just going to start off by saying, this week was a little tough. Poor Remi wasn’t feeling well. She started throwing up, and had a rather unpleasant accident the other night while I was sleeping. So, I’ve been making her rice, boiled chicken, a bit of egg and some pumpkin. That seems to be working, thank goodness.

Between not sleeping very well for a couple of nights, and the worry over Remi, when I woke up this morning, quite honestly, I really didn’t want to do my workout. I even had a moment where I said to myself, “Oh, maybe I can just skip this one.” But that was the kind of thinking that got me in trouble before. As soon as I recognized this negative thought, I went through my mental list of all my reasons why I am doing this.

A little back story here … Sometime last week I came across some videos of this incredible man, Jim Rohn. I ended up listening to a 2 hour seminar, in which Jim Rohn was speaking about personal development. He talked about motivation, and finding what your motivation for doing something is. He mentioned that there are a lot of people who may not put as much effort into doing something for themselves, as they would if they were doing it for somebody else.

Up until this point, I didn’t have my motivations set out clearly before me. Jim Rohn inspired me to make a list of all my reasons why I’m going through this journey of eating healthier, and getting fit.

Here it is (in no specific order):

Myself – to maintain my health, and feel better inside and out
For my heart – I was born with a heart condition, and the more active and healthy I am, the better it is for my heart.
My family
Future family – Already being considered a higher risk pregnancy, the more active I am now, the better for when we decide to have children.
Remi, as well as any dogs we have in the future – So I can run and be active with them

So, that’s my motivation, and that’s what got me to do my 30 minute workout this morning. I was actually rewarded with a mobility-based workout, which I really enjoyed. Most of it was doing stretches on the mat. Regardless of what it was, I’m thankful for finding my motivation and sticking it out.

One Week

It was a week ago today that I made a promise to myself, and committed myself to this journey. I’ve decided that I am going to do a weigh in every Sunday morning to see if/what progress I have made towards shedding the pounds. Then, once a month I’ll measure my waist, and check the inches.

(Drum roll) The results are in!

My weight one week ago.

My weight today.

I have dropped 3.5 pounds in the past week. Let me tell you, I was pretty stoked to see that! I’m so happy that my efforts are showing some progress.

Here are some of the changes I’ve made in this past week:

I’ve started eating healthier, and have stopped eating junk food/fast food.
I’ve committed myself to a workout regime, and have completed all of my workouts thus far to the best of my ability.
I’ve been consistently getting up at 6 AM – about 3 hours earlier than I used to.
I’m working on shifting my mentality, and focusing more on the positive side and reaching my goals.
I’ve started drinking more water and green tea (nothing added), as opposed to juice, orange pekoe tea (with sugar and milk), and the occasional pop.
I’ve cut back on snacking. If I do have a snack during the day, I reach for an apple or some veggies and hummus, as opposed to chips or a chocolate bar.

Some things I’ve noticed in the past week:

I feel a lot better. My stomach isn’t all up in knots anymore from eating crap.
My cravings for junk food are diminishing.
I actually really enjoy waking up at 6 AM. I love watching the sun come up. I love the peace and quiet before everybody starts getting on with their day. I also love the fact that I don’t feel like I’m wasting my day away.
I really enjoy the sense of accomplishment I get after a workout, especially when it’s been difficult for me to get through.

Moving on to today’s workout, Core Crunch 2.0.

As I mentioned in my last post, I really need to work on my core strength.

This workout was especially difficult for me to do. I made a point of trying each exercise the way it was originally intended – without modification.

Some of them I had to push myself hard to get through. Some of them, even though I made every effort, I just wasn’t physically able to do without modifying. The rest of them I got part way through before my body would just collapse, and I would have to do the modified version.

However, I gave it my best, I didn’t sit anything out, and I know the strength will come in time.

Next week I only have two workouts. One on Wednesday, one on Saturday, and they are both 30 minutes. I’m not much of a runner, but I love rollerblading. So, I think I might add some of that in as well.

See you on Wednesday!